Coincidence?

Ever wonder why you don't see them in public together?

Coincidence?  I think NOT!

Movie =/= PC

Ok.  I get why Sony Pictures wants to reboot the Spider-Man franchise.  What I want to know is WHY?  Specifically, what's going through those Sony exec's heads.  Its not like the franchise was doing badly.  The 3 movies made $2.5 billion in ticket sales worldwide, and cost the studio $597 million to make.  That's not even counting video sales, my friends.

In my opinion, you reboot a franchise for the following reasons:  1) the original franchise sucked, or 2) the original franchise was dated and badly needed a facelift.

In Spider-Man's case, neither reason fits the bill.  The first film was released 8 years ago.  Some wines are aged more than that.  And even though Spider-Man 3 was perhaps the weakest of the three movies, I would hardly say that the series jumped the shark.  Personally, I think Spider-Man 3 was all over the place and had too much going on story-wise.  It would probably have been better if they just did a Venom origin cameo and saved him for a villain in a future movie (I remember reading somewhere that Sam Raimi didn't even want Venom in the movie, but the movie execs insisted).  But the movie wasn't so bad that it was unwatchable and the franchise unsalvageable.

Then, with Raimi leaving the project, Tobey Maguire follows suit.  I wonder who they'll get to replace him?

But here we go.  Sony executives aren't satisfied with making a paltry $800 million a movie.  Obviously, Sam Raimi doesn't know a thing about making a good, profitable movie.  If Sam Raimi feels the movie isn't good enough to be released by Sony's timeline, well, he must be dumb.

Now, we're going to be subjected to a "gritty, contemporary" Spider-Man.  I can picture the discussion in the Sony executive offices now:

Michael Lynton:  "Hey Howard, Sam Raimi is taking too long trying to make that Spider-Man movie 'good'.  He didn't like my idea of having Spider-Man fight the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants.  He also didn't like my idea of having Mary Jane and Gwen Stacy getting into a 8-minute pillow fight.  What should we do about it?"

Howard Stringer:  "Fire Sam Raimi.  Then order up some Chinese food.  I'm hungry."

Lynton:  "Gotcha.  What are we gonna do with the story then?"

Stringer:  "I have an idea.  Did you see The Dark Knight?  The kids loved it.  Made a billion bucks.  I think the kids will pay to see gritty and contemporary."

Lynton:  "Great idea, boss!  Mandarin or Szechuan?"

Amy Pascal (peeks head into door):  "Did I hear Chinese food?"

--

Since we're discussing reboots, I began wondering how other executives would handle Spider-Man:

Bill Gates - The movie would BSOD in the middle of the screening and you'd have to start watching the movie all over again.  After release, he'd announce a new version of the movie will come out 1 year later, in an attempt to pretend the previous disaster didn't happen.  In Belgium, the audience throws pies at the screen.

Steve Jobs - There wouldn't be any announcement about the movie until 1 week before it's release, and even then you won't get any real details about the movie.  Additionally, the movie is only compatible with 25% of the theaters.

Rick Wagner - He'd run Sony Pictures into the ground and make the movie unprofitable.  Then, he'd make the US government take over the franchise in order to make it profitable again.

Perplexing

I'm currently dealing with an attorney that requires a lot of hand holding.  I'm beginning to wonder how some of them managed to made it out of the womb, let alone law school.

Healthy?

Recently I watched as as someone I know ordered some fried zucchini from Carls Jr.  This in and of itself wouldn't bother me.  What made me take notice is the reasoning behind it.  Said person stated they got it because its healthier than ordering french fries.

(I am keeping the identify of said person anonymous.  This is to avoid giving others an opportunity to ridicule.  I want all such ridicule rights to be self-retained and not shared.  I guess I'm selfish that way.)

Ok, I do not profess to be a nutritionist, but doesn't breading thinly-sliced zucchini and dumping it into a boiling vat of fat negate any real nutritional advantage the zucchini had over, say, dumping a sliced potato into a boiling vat of fat?

Then, said person proceeds to dip vat-boiled breaded vegetible into a container full of Ranch dressing.

Not only have you taken all the nutrition out of your fat-laden currently unrecognizable vegetible, but you've turned it into a delivery vehicle for even MORE fat.

At this point, your 9th grade health and nutrition teacher is rolling in his/her grave.  Unless he/she is still alive, in which case that teacher will come over to your house and smack you.  If you haven't reached the 9th grade yet, just you wait and see.  That teacher is cocked and ready to deliver the smack the moment you set foot into the classroom.

My point is...eat the zucchini.  Love the zucchini.  Deliver as much fat into your body as you desire.  Chances are, I'm gonna do the same thing as soon as I'm done here.  But don't disallusion yourself.  Its not a healthy alternative.

Speaking of food, disappointment can come in many different forms.  Last week, I experienced it in ways unimaginable.  I went into a restaurant expecting this and got this.  Trust me, its tramatic, especially if you're Korean.

Hi there!

Please bear with me, as its been a while since I've done this.

Not blogging. Oh, no. This is my first blog. I'm probably the 45,634,549,439th person to start a blog (my numbers may be off a bit, but I assure you, the process of randomly typing those numbers came from a very scientific method).

And I'm not talking about writing. I do a WHOLE lot of writing in my line of work. Lemme show you an example:

We've submitted the Default Judgment Package to the court and expect the Judgment to be entered shortly. Please advance your file thirty days for our further report.

(Riveting, yes? I know. I'll just sit back and wait for my Pulitzer. I won't bother with the 'thank you' list. You guys know who you are.)

No, I'm talking about creative writing. The kind that either keeps you staring at a blank screen for about 30 minutes before you pound the letter 'I' on the keyboard, or else makes you explode in a whirlwind typing frenzy that lasts about 30 minutes, until your fingers hurt and you pass out from all that creative diarrhea.

In fact, I think its been about 15 years since I've really sat down and wrote something, other than a greeting card, that didn't involve some form of obligation.

So, here I am. Braving cyberspace like 45,634,549,438 people before me. Posting my thoughts in a blog.

Why, you may ask yourself, am I doing this? Some form of creative outlet? Got something on my mind that I want to share with the cyber-community? Wanting to share some fabulous recipes that I've found? Naa...none of that.

I'm in it for the money. Uh-huh.

Does that make me a tool? Yes. But I'll be a rich tool.

Nevermind the fact that 45,634,549,437 other people out there have started blogs, undoubtedly with the same idea in mind. But that's neither here nor there. I've got a plan.

(checks notes)

Ok...it appears that the plan has already been taken and might even be illegal.

Oh well. Might as well keep the blog and be like the other 45,634,549,438 people.  Maybe Tom Cruise will play me in the movie.