Dogs

About 6 months ago, my wife and I got a dog.  As you can see, its cute and fluffy.  In fact, 90% of its body weight is fluff.  In case of a water landing, I can use the dog as a flotation device.

There's one thing about this dog, however.  I believe its only redeeming factor is the cuteness.

In fact, I think I have an ungrateful dog.

Case in point.  Every morning at 7:00 a.m. I wake up and take the dog out for a walk.  When I come for the dog, it gives me the hardest time getting out of its little bed cage and fights me the whole way out.  However, if my wife comes to the cage, it bounces out and wags its tail as if there was no tomorrow.

Additionally, if I'm the first to come home from work, it condescends to spend time with me by virtue of the fact that I'm marginally more interesting than the lint lying on the floor (although there are times when I see the dog seriously considering that option).  We'll be playing 'chase the ball' and having a grand time, but the moment she hears the garage open up, I might as well be Typhoid Mary.

Its not due to any abuse on my part either.  I show it love, feed it treats and rarely ever raise my voice to it.  Heck, the dog hates wearing sweaters and I never subject it to such (that's my wife's doing).

I'm just going to have to live with the fact that my dog looks at me as if I'm the 3rd wheel in her relationship with my wife.

There's another thing about this dog.  It poops like nobody's business.

I have mentioned the dog's rather large amount of fur.  Well, that fur is everywhere.  Especially around its butt.  For the record, fur and poop don't mix.  As a result, every time it poops, I have to clean its butt.

I cannot begin to describe how degrading it is to wipe the butt of an ungrateful dog.  Therefore, I won't.  I'll just leave it up to your imagination.

Simply getting the dog is an epic story in itself.  I'll relate it in another post.

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Note to parents:  If by any chance your child wants a dog, make him (or her...just insert the appropriate gender wherever applicable) stop whatever he's doing twice a day (sometimes 3 times, just to mix it up) and take a walk around the neighborhood. Make sure he does this for at least a month, maybe two.

Then, when the time period is over, if your kid is still keen on having a dog, tell him he'll need to do the same thing for the next 15 years, except each walk involves picking up poop.

If he's still committed to having a dog after that and says he'll do the aforementioned walking/poop scooping, make him sign a contract.  I offer notary services.