Pork

I love pork.  Especially bacon, but pork in general rocks.  I'm eating some bacon now.  Stacked on top of beef and onion rings.  Just the way that we were intended to eat it.

There are some out there that do not like pork.  I know you're out there, but my mind has a difficult time comprehending.  What's not to love about pork?  And don't tell me that its not as healthy as other things, because chances are you're a hypocrite, secretly eating chocolate or avocado or something else that you're not supposed to and pretending to be health conscience.  I'm pretty certain Jack LaLanne has a secret stash of sausage links in his basement.

As hard as it is for me to understand the disliking of pork, its even harder for me for someone who's forbidden to eat it.  I'm talking about Jews and Muslims.  They can't eat pork.  I had a guy in my office who loved pork, but couldn't eat it because he was Muslim.  I know he ate some of the pork dumplings that I would occasionally bring to the office.  Presumably, he didn't care much as long as his mother didn't find out.

I'm firmly convinced that most of the tension in the Middle East can trace its roots back to the prohibition of pork.  This might be an oversimplifcation of the problem, but I'm a simple guy and I believe it to be the root of many issues.  I picture a day when we can gather the leaders of the area into a Denny's and sit down to a big breakfast buffet full of bacon and sausage.  Once everyone's had a good, hearty breakfast, I'm sure they'll look around and say "I wonder what the big deal was", laugh about it, and walk out of there with a ham sandwich to go.

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So, based upon my strong beliefs that pork can, in fact, unite peoples together, you can imagine how far from my mind a vegetarian lifestyle is.  In fact, my mind has a difficult time wrapping itself around the concept:

My mind:  "Wait, you want me to stop eating pork?  What was that?  Not just pork?  You don't want me eating ANY MEAT AT ALL?"

At that moment, my brain begins to hemmorage.  When I'm at the hospital recovering, hopefully the doctors will have the good sense to grind up some meat and feed it intraveniously.

The only thing harder for me to conprehend is a vegan lifestyle.  I can imagine a bunch of granolas sitting around a campfire saying "I wonder what we can do to make our lives even harder and more torturious than the prohibition of meat?"  Thus, veganism was born.

I reason myself against such a lifestyle by telling myself that a vegetarian/vegan contributes far more to global warming than the average carnivore due to the exponential buildup of greenhouse gases coming from a diet where beans is your main source of protein.

The reason I bring this up is because recently I went to a good friend's residence for dinner.  This friend and his family are all vegetarian.  Although this goes against all my beliefs, I still went because he's a good friend, and he also had corn on the cob.  Although corn is technically not meat, it ranks as closer to meat in the flavor spectrum than any other vegetarian.  Also, the entire side of my mother's family is from Iowa and so I'm certain there's a genetic reasoning.

To prepare myself, I bought myself an emergency stash of beef jerkey and kept it in my car.  Fortunately I didn't have to use it.  My friend and his wife prepared a fantastic meal and I quite stuffed myself.  Although I cannot say that I'm convinced a life sans meat is for me, I probably can go without it once in a blue moon.  Fortunately, the list of friends who are vegetarian is short.  And there's always emergency beef jerkey.

By the way, don't watch Food, Inc.  Although this has done nothing to stifle my need for meat, it has toned down my wife's desire for beef exponentially.  Due to the trickle-down effect, it has reduced my red meat consumption considerably.  You've been warned.